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Clearing My Plate

  I do it to myself, the busyness, the overcommitment, the feeling that I am the only one that can do it, so I must do it all. In actuality the people and tasks that need me the most, I've been avoiding, telling myself they don't need me or not prioritizing appropriately.  This spring I was at a tipping point, each night I was either at a school event, teaching yoga, coaching Girls on the Run or driving from one place or another, speeding along the way, to be at an activity for my kids. We were barely eating diner together as a family, maybe once a week. I haven't been working out, even my work out app We Rise , reminded me that it's been a while since I tracked a workout. The house was a mess, dog hair everywhere, dishes in the sink, clean clothes in laundry baskets just being recirculated through and the bathrooms, don't let me get started on bathrooms. When you live on well water, bathrooms are the worst to clean.  You might be saying, why don't you get your ...
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Clearing My Plate

 


I do it to myself, the busyness, the overcommitment, the feeling that I am the only one that can do it, so I must do it all. In actuality the people and tasks that need me the most, I've been avoiding, telling myself they don't need me or not prioritizing appropriately. 

This spring I was at a tipping point, each night I was either at a school event, teaching yoga, coaching Girls on the Run or driving from one place or another, speeding along the way, to be at an activity for my kids. We were barely eating diner together as a family, maybe once a week. I haven't been working out, even my work out app We Rise, reminded me that it's been a while since I tracked a workout. The house was a mess, dog hair everywhere, dishes in the sink, clean clothes in laundry baskets just being recirculated through and the bathrooms, don't let me get started on bathrooms. When you live on well water, bathrooms are the worst to clean. 

You might be saying, why don't you get your family to help you? I tell myself the same thing, but I am the model for my family. If I am not prioritizing myself, my family and my house, why are they going to think any of that is important either. This idea came to me during a meditation, when I was feeling especially worn down. I enjoy doing "all the things", but do I really? Or is that something I just tell myself, because I don't really know how to relax. Or I've been conditioned that being active and "productive" is what brings me self-worth. 

So I sat down and listed all the things (work tasks, calendar appointments, personal activities) that I do within a week. Then I circled the ones that truly bring me joy and crossed out the ones that do not add value to my life/work or commitments that are dragging my peace of mind down. 


It can be challenging to do this activity. Everything looks important, why would you do it, if it wasn't important. However, when you truly focus on what brings you joy, peace, and what you genuinely need to be your best self, it becomes easier to see what can be cleared from your plate.

I was attached to specific activities, because I assumed that those are things I was suppose to do, because it was connected to my identity or I truly believed that if I didn't do them, then no one else would. That is just attachment. "In Buddhism, attachment (upadana) is the act of clinging or grasping onto people, possessions, or ideas. Because everything is constantly changing, this grasping is considered the primary root of human suffering (dukkha), creating a relentless cycle of desire, disappointment, and aversion."


Some of the activities that bring me joy at home are: yoga, walking, lifting weights, reading, writing, keeping my house/yard clean and organized, eating dinner with my family (at home), watching my kids participate in activities they enjoy, spending time with my husband doing simple things around the house and being in nature. 

At work I love getting to spend time in classrooms, share instructional strategies, listen to my staff and find solutions together, watch students discover joy in learning and advocating for what is in the best interest of my students, staff and school. 

From my activities audit, I needed to eliminate a few things from my life, that was stealing time, joy or adding additional unneeded stress onto my life. One of the first things was resigning from Nurture Yoga & Massage. It was a difficult decision, because I really enjoyed the people that attended my classes. However, due to the distance from my house (and gas being $5 a gallon), the rushing from work to teaching class and missing out on several of my own child's activities to sub for other instructors. I needed to take a step back from that responsibility. I also need to end my Girls on the Run coaching. Each Monday and Wednesday after school, I would immediately leave school and coach until 5pm. Even though I do love the message of GOTR and how it promotes girl empowerment and physical fitness, they will find another coach to continue to support the girls. It doesn't "need" to be me. This summer we are also focusing on cleaning up the house, instead of big vacations. We've been neglecting projects, organizing spaces and general upkeep. Focusing our money and time on this will keep our space and mind clear to reduce anxiety and keep us grounded. 


Deciding to communicate these choices have delivered mixed results. Some people have chosen to be very angered by prioritization of my family and self, which makes me feel even more unappreciated and used. While others understand that to be most productive, eliminating what is depleting you, will also allow you to be a better person. 

I have to always remember that other opinions of me do not matter. What matters most is my opinion of myself, how my children and husband need me to be whole and joyful, and how I can contribute of the betterment of my school, students and staff. 


This summer, my commitment to myself is ensuring that I prioritize my needs, supporting my family and ensuring my sch6ool is set up for success for the 26-27 school year. As a family we working on fixing up the house (for our children's graduation party in June) as well as feeling content and happy in our space. I'll still be teaching yoga & Pilates, but at ARIS Yoga & Pilates only. ARIS is a community that I have deep loyalty to, as well as trust. I'll be training this summer for Mammoth March, a 20mile hike in Wisconsin, that is motivating me to focus on developing muscle and endurance. We only have a few trips planned, college orientation for my daughter and a quiet calming trip to our cabin to have that quality family time together. At school, my goal is to focus on equitable class lists, schedules and developing structures, in data collection to can truly reflect the supports our students receive, quality collaboration and professional development as well as transparent communication that aligns in my integrity and trust. 

This may sound like a lot, but for me, it is clearing my plate, by truly focusing on my top priorities and what can make the biggest difference in myself, my family and my school. It may need to be adjusted, but that is OK. I'm going to reflect on the false belief of attachments to objects, people or activities that drain my joy, take time away from my family or make my commitment to my school more challenging. I'm sure some days will be better than others. But writing this down and sharing it with others, will hopefully keep me more accountable as the summer begins. The best time for slowing down, reflection and re-prioritizing. 


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